Unique Indy Food

Philly created cheesesteak sandwiches, New Orleans warms you up with shrimp creole, Boston serves up raw oysters like hazardous waste, and Cincinnati boils sauer kraut with water from the Ohio. So what unusual dishes does Indy have that distinguishes it from the rest of America?

Don't look for it in restaurants. You have to go to the State Fair. On Diabetic Drive you can start out with a Lemon Shake-up and a Funnel Cake. I don't know where the name comes from but its 100% sugar. After the sugar buzz subsides, catch the shuttle(no reason to walk off the 2000 calories) over to Deep-Fried Lane. It smells wonderful unless one of the horses pulling the shuttle dropped a deuce. There you can partake in either a deep-fried Twinkie or if you're really hungry, you can mow down on a pork chop fresh out of the fryer. Now you just need to drag yourself over to a park bench on Cardiac Lane next to the World's Fattest Two-Headed Woman and listen to you arteries clog. And do not forget the corn on the cob that's been soaking in butter.

On your way home make sure you buy a pound of salt water taffy and get some cotton candy for the road. You might need a snack before you hit the rack.

Euthanasia and Other Things I've Yet to Do

Every time I bring up the subject of euthanasia it is just about as popular as talking about the heartbreak of psoriasis and diverticulitis.

Nevertheless, now that I realize there are 1000 things I need to do and 100 places I need to see before I die, it's apparent I am going to miss a few. Hey, I've been occupied with all of the things Boomers have been doing for the past fifty years-working,raising kids, and paying taxes. I imagine I will just need to settle for watching a lot of Discovery HD and wait for the virtual world to become indistinguishable from the real thing.

Anyway, why am I talking about euthanasia? Well, we had to put our pooch, Whoobie, down last week. He was almost twelve and was relatively healthy until this fall, but he acquired one of those rare illnesses that has no treatment. My wife, his best friend, jumped in and gave him the type of nursing care sorely missed in our medical system. It kept the little guy going until the holidays, but he was getting sicker and sicker by the day. People told us we would know when to put him to sleep. It is not something you want to think about, but last Friday we knew. He was starting to suffer and it was time.

The whole thing reminded me of my parents last days. My mother died of cancer and my father of Alzheimer's. Everyone hates to see a loved one die, but in my opinion, their "time" was long before their last day.

So, when my "time" comes and our laws have not dealt with the final days of suffering, I'm catching a plane to Amsterdam, smoking a joint(one of the things I haven't done), NOT going to the Red Light District(one of the things you shouldn't do), and taking a walk to "the other side".

I've Been on Vacation.,,

The Mrs., myself, and Woobie(correct spelling-not Whoobie) left for a week in North Carolina on Oct 27th. It was not an ideal time to leave town, but when is it ever a good time. Julie's company is going through some reorganization which really needed her involvement, so she has been on the phone a few times and one of my long time competitors announced they are folding their tent at the end of the year. So, I've also been on the phone and checking resumes to fill an open sales position or two. They are having a hundred year drought down here in NC and I think it is easier to get a permit to build a swimming pool than to find a qualified sales representative who knows anything about the offset printing business who isn't 55 years old and burned out.

Anyhoo, the weather has been beautiful, the color has been spectacular, and I continue to be amazed how people are willing to build a million dollar house next door to an Appalachian shack. I would think it would make it difficult to do a real estate comp a few years form now when you try to sell the place before you move into the old farts home. However, they keep throwing them up and the prices are still increasing in spite of the national trend to the contrary.

We also spent four days in Charlotte. WOW! I haven't seen a city do what they have done in the past ten years. The entire downtown, which they call Uptown, is virtually all new construction. It is the second largest banking center in the USA. There are banks everywhere and they love to built monuments to themselves. Bank of America and Wachovia in particular seem to dominate the landscape. They have leveled anything that is a good spot for another high-rise condo or office tower.

Charlotte has a lot of similarities to Indianapolis. They are of similar size, are creating a new downtown population to support the arts, restaurants, and professional teams that are all located within walking distance. Everything inside the inner loop is prospering while the dregs are just mile away in the shadows of the stadiums, arenas, condos, and office towers. They both have a problem with urban sprawl. Traffic gets progressively worse the farther you drive from the center of town. The most prosperous neighborhoods are located north and south and both have an abundance of malls.

On the contrary, Charlotte seems to be reaching their goals much faster than Indianapolis. That may be primarily the result of Indianapolis having no significant local banks. I also get the impression the average paycheck in Charlotte seems to support living in a $500K condo on top of the fact that they pay significantly lower property taxes. Both downtowns seem to understand the importance of cleanliness, but they both share similar issues with the homeless. Indianapolis, on the other hand, has preserved a lot of its older architecture. It has a less sterile feel than Charlotte and Indy has also preserved much more green space even if it primarily used by the homeless(i.e. University Park). For what it is worth, Indy overwhelms Charlotte in the memorial/monument category. Racing is enormous in both cities. Indy is the home for open wheel and Charlotte is home to NASCAR which is dominating the racing crowd until the egos running open wheel gets their poop together.

As for the people, both towns have an abundance of nice people. However, folks in Charlotte seem a bit trimmer and visitors look like they are from NYC or DC. Indy's out-of-towners tend to be square dancers with thick ankles that get excited riding up and down any elevator with a glass wall. Hey, their money is green, Chicago doesn't want them, and we sure as hell need their help to pay for the "Oil Can"(Lucas Oil Stadium).

Don't forget to vote November 6th.

Gettin' to the Airport

Did you realize that their is another way to get to the airport other than driving your car? No, I'm not talking about the taxi. I'm talking about Indy's version of mass transit, Indygo. Still confused? I'm talking about the bus stupid.

Let's say you're leaving town for a long weekend. It's going to cost you or a friend at least six bucks plus the wear and tear on your car to get to the airport. But, if you drive your own car and park at one of the lots it will cost you seven more bucks a day to park. Add it up. We're talking around thirty-five Uncle Sams for a round trip to your crib.

If you take Indygo, it will cost you a measly $3.00 cash(correct change please). Also, not to mention, you'll make Al Gore and the polar bears happy. Plus, you'll save yourself a car wash. There is nothing like the grime of jet engines blowing carbon on your car for four days in addition to the creeps who ding your car in the lot.

Oh ,you say it takes longer? It takes 40 minutes to the terminal door on Indygo from downtown which is where you should be living anyway. I defy you to drive to the airport, park your car, wait for the shuttle, and get to your respective check-in in less time. Unless, you live in Carmel or Zionsville. In that case, you are probably planning to build your own airport so you won't need to drive south of 96th Street.

I also did it in New York City. It cost me $4.00 to get to La Guardia versus the typical fare of $40-50 via the cab with Mohamed Abdullah Oblongata at the wheel. My only advice in NYC was to keep repeating "Como este" on the train. It made the locals smile.