Bigger is not Necessarily Better

I need to make a confession. I went to the "Oil Can" or the "Luke" for the first NFL regular season game for the Colts. My bro called at the last minute with a ticket and I was "weak".

I have to admit that upon walking up to the structure, I was a bit awed at how immense it was. In terms of sheer mass, it is the largest building I have ever seen up close. When I stepped inside, it was like walking through the back of the wardrobe in "The Chronicles of Narnia" except that it was full of rednecks instead of turtlenecks. Anyway, it was HUGE!

However, after I slapped my lower jaw back into place, I began to see what was not so wonderful about Indy's new $720 million boondoggle:
1)Finding my seat (which are all biggie-sized to accommodate the average Colts' fan) was not easy. I should have left a trail of bread crumbs to find my way out.
2)I noticed the players were smaller. Actually, they are twice as far away as in the RCA Dome. I could barely see the numbers and I was only half way up in the stands. 3)The men's room was not meeting capacity, as there was a long line vs. no line for the women. The architect must have been a chick with a small bladder.
4)Fan noise was less due to the roof being open but it did not seem to affect the sound level of the commercials that were blasted during timeouts. Conversation was nearly impossible.

Plus, the Colts got their butts kicked 29-13. On the plus side, I did get a inaugural game souvenir cup. I'm putting it on Ebay.

"For Better or For Worse"

You have all heard the phrase and a lot of you have repeated it yourself (hopefully, only once) at a wedding. But, it is also the title of my favorite comic strip which has been published daily over the past 29 years. Unlike most comic strips, the characters are based on the real life family members of the writer, Lynn Johnston, and all have aged in real time.

And to peak my interest, the (Patterson) family members' ages parallel those of my own. Thus, our families have experienced many of the same joys, sorrows, disappointments, and successes together over the past three decades. Whatever you could imagine that could happen to a family was there to be read daily in the funnies. Reading the daily postings of the Patterson family provided me "comic" relief to know that what I was living wasn't all that unusual.

People fell in & out of love, babies were born, kids grew up one day at a time, grandparents grew old and frail, Mom and Dad grew wiser with every crisis, Mrs. Patterson started a small business just like my own wife, and the family dog died much to my dismay. I've only cried twice in my life over a dog. Once was this past year when our own dog, Woobie, had to be put to sleep. The other was when Farley died, saving a kid from drowning, in spite of the fact that he was a tired old dog that gave everything he had left. I was really upset-both times!

Nevertheless, people move on and so did the strip. The Patterson's got a new dog and so did we. Edgar Patterson and Wrigley Meek were just what both families needed and life moved on. And that is the point of the comic strip. Real things happen to people. You need to enjoy the good times and roll with the punches during the bad.

Today, "For Better or For Worse" ended. What?!! It can't end. I'm not dead yet. I want an instant replay! Well, upon further review, it is not ending. It is starting over tomorrow, September 1st. It turns out Lynn Johnston is going to re-write the strip from the beginning while changing the things she would want to be different over the past 29 years. Wouldn't life be interesting if you could actually do that?

I'm not sure I could improve upon what has happened to my family. I have a great partner, my wife, and three great sons living lives more interesting than my own. So, I'll live my next 29 years vicariously through them while I follow the re-write of "For Better or For Worse".

For starters, she's bringing back Farley this week. It's de'ja` vu all over again.

Lucas Oil Stadium at Night

I was driving by the "Oil Can" last night. The view from the interstate was actually quite spectacular, since I've always felt that it is quite hideous in the daylight. The way it was lit accentuated what little is attractive about the behemoth. And once everyone has a few $8 beers at the game, people will be in love with the place.

Of course, isn't that the way things are in the bar scene. After a few drinks in the subdued light, women look foxy and the men are all hunks.

But, at daybreak reality returns. It's not quite what you thought it was the night before.

Lose Us All Our Money Stadium

Well, tonight is one of many big nights for Indy's new stadium. They are hosting all of the the VIP's. This weekend, they let all of the urchins (aka Colt's Fans) in to get a look see. And, next week they are going to actually play some football inside the behemoth. It's huge!-just like the bonds the taxpayers are going to pay back over the next three decades.

I'll probably not see it in my lifetime, but someday the Colts will leave town, fold, or become irrelevant when tickets cost $1000 each in the nose bleed section. What will the city do to continue to fund the bonds? Here's an idea.

Fill it up with corn.

Junk vs. Important Stuff

"One man's trash is another man's treasure." Everyone has heard the quote, but I have no idea who wrote it. Nevertheless, there always seems to be someone who's willing to buy anything at any price regardless of its real value. Here are a few.

Manhattan Island-The Indians sold it for a few beads (bad deal). The Arabs just paid $800 million for the Chrysler Building (good deal to the likely immigrant guy that owned it). The Indians should have held out.

Louisiana Purchase-The French sold it for about $16 million (bad deal). The U.S.A. has made a bucket of money since (good deal). However, now our government is spending billions rebuilding New Orleans in spite of the fact that the Gulf of Mexico will consume it in about 50 years (really bad deal).

Alaska-We bought it from the Russians for about $8 million (good for us). I bet the Russians would be drilling for oil if they still owned it and would sell it to us for $100+ per barrel (and we would probably pay it-not only a bad deal, but stupid).

RCA Dome- Indianapolis built it for a little over $35 million (great deal) and it was the catalyst for the renovation to downtown Indy. Now we are building another dome for $700+ million and giving most of the revenue to a bunch of rich guys (worst deal of the new millennium for any city)-until the next city gets suckered by the NFL.

My wife-Great, great deal! No explanation necessary.

Lucas Oil Stadium Fish Tank

I was listening to a local "wacko" conservative radio station between sales calls this week. I did not catch the name of the person being interviewed, but he was a member of our local government. They were discussing the current problems with the completion of Lucas Oil Stadium (I still cannot believe they named the stadium after a lubricant) and the recent damage caused by the failure of the roof drainage system.

Anyhoo, he added more angst to my concerns for the water problems when he told the interviewer that the stadium floor is 25 feet below street level and that the water table in downtown Indy is 26 feet below street level. Have you ever had a sump pump fail in your home? Well, I have. The basement filled up with water.

It just adds one more dimension to the facility that Bart Peterson had not conceived. We could stock it with fish and have the Bass Pro Shops convention.

Things I've Been Called

Everyone has been called a number of names in their life. Here's a sampling of what I've been called.

*Ted-Which obviously is my name!
*Teddy-By the people who still think I've yet to grow up.
*Theodore-I am not a friend of Alvin and the Chipmunks.

*Mr. Meek-Usually when I owe someone money.
*Sir-When someone doesn't know my name and they want my money.

*MeekMan-In college by my fraternity brothers.

*Tim-I have no idea why.
*Tom-I must look like Tim.
*Thief-It's a burden all salesmen must bear.
*Trouble-I must have a T branded on my forehead.

*Joe-By my aunts and uncles at the annual family reunion.

*Son-By a great pair of parents.

*Gary, Dan, Dammit Ted!-It's what my Dad often called me. It's the price for being the third-born son.

*Dad-By my wonderful sons.
*Pops-Later, by the same talented young men.

*Brother-By my sibs and much older brother-in-laws.

*Sweetie Pie-By my lovely wife.
*Sweetie?-Short for Sweetie Pie when "I need you to do something".
*Pha-Short for Alpha. You need to see the movie "Day of the Dolphin" to understand why.

*Coach-By over a hundred kids who played on my baseball, football, & b-ball teams.
*Moron-By over a hundred fathers who wanted their kids to pitch, play QB, or shoot the last shot with 5 seconds left in a tied game.

*Uncle Ted-By nearly 200 nieces and nephews all over the U.S.A.
*Taxpayer-Every three months by the government.

*Woof! Woof!-When Wrigley needs to go outside.

*AskIndyTed-By my one and only reader-YOU!

Well, that's a small sampling. If I missed any, send me a comment.

Lucas Oil Stadium Water Leak Coverup

Ever heard of Pogue's Run? It is a creek that starts on the east side of Indianapolis and continues through the downtown underground before it empties into the White River. On its way through downtown it collects everything from raw sewage to rainwater. The city decided to cover it up about a hundred years ago because it smelled, bred mosquitoes, and generally got in the way of developing downtown real estate. For whatever reason, an artist painted a blue stripe on the streets and sidewalks to show its path as it meandered through the city.

So, what does this have to do with the leak in our brand new stadium which caused millions of dollars of damage? Some rocket scientist decided to build the stadium on top of Pogue's Run. When we had a thunderstorm hit last week there was a lot of runoff in the storm sewers. At the same time, there was a new source of runoff-the stadium and all of the paved areas around it. As Pogue's run reached its capacity, so also was the capacity of the drainage system for the roof of the stadium. Water(and probably sewage)actually started to run vertically back UP the drainage pipes in the stadium as the rainwater was coming down from the roof. I'm not a civil engineer, but the pipes could not stand the stress and burst into the interior of the stadium.

So far, no one has admitted what caused the water damage. They know. However, after spending over $700 million nobody has the guts to fess up to the taxpayers. They are just praying that the heavy rains are over until they can find the cash to move a long forgotten underground waterway.

Panhandler Inflation

Everyone knows that it is less expensive to live in Indy than in places like Chicago or New York. So, it stands to reason that it must cost more to be a panhandler there, too.

Well, this past weekend, the little lady and I took a long weekend getaway in Chicago. We stayed in the lovely Sofitel Hotel near Water Tower. We asked the concierge for a recommendation of a nearby restaurant as we had decided to hoof it the entire weekend. And, just like Indy, the panhandlers are lurking everywhere shaking their cups. Very few say much, but they all know how to shake the cup.

However, as we proceeded up Rush Street for our reservation at Carmine's Italian Restaurant (which BTW was wonderful), a woman sitting on the sidewalk spoke out to us as we walked by. I never make the mistake of making eye contact, but my lip-reading wife can't help herself. After we passed her I asked, "What did she say?".

"Blank check(?), Visa card(?), or $100 cash?"

She must be a Dale Carnegie Sales School graduate.