I'm Roundin' Up a Posse

Hey, I'm tired of hearing that Jamal Tinsley of our Indiana Pacers is having all of the fun late at night while I'm home sleeping. So, I'm putting together my own posse. Look out out Indy! IndyTed is going to be cruising the streets.

First, I need a driver. You must be able to handle a Ford Fusion. It doesn't have bullet-proof glass, but it is painted black with alloy wheels even if they aren't shiny.

Second, I need a bodyguard. Someone big enough to stop a bullet. Somebody like Evan.

Third, I really need an advance man. Someone who knows where all of the seedy places exist in Indy. Club Rio is so yesterday. Besides, the roof leaks there. Stephen Jackson shot a bunch of holes in the roof.

Fourth, I need someone who can convince my wife that I was just delivering a rush order to one of my customers at 3AM in the vicinity of 38th and Lafayette Road. This will require someone who can spin a good story. "That" Guy Doyal would be ideal, but he hangs with the shuffle board crowd in Florida when it gets cold in MoTown. I need someone 24/7.

Last, I need a woman. Not any woman, but one who has no fear. I need a woman who scares the bejabbers(that's a word in Indiana) out of mortal men. I need a woman who owns the room. I need a woman that is hard to understand, impossible to discourage, and soft to the touch.

But hey, I'm already married to her. Who needs a posse?