Guarantees

Who doesn't love a guarantee?

Some of my favorites include Social Security checks(when I turn 66-ha!), Evan Bayh talking for an hour and not saying anything, Julia Carson getting re-elected while missing 40% of her votes but not any paychecks, Bart Peterson spending more than Indy can afford, O.J.'s constant pursuit of assdome (sounds good even if spell checker doesn't recognize it), and George W. solidifying his legacy as the worst president since Johnson (the first one).

But, is anything really guaranteed? Not really. So, roll with the punches and be glad we all live in a great country which gives us so many second chances.

Shawne Williams Update and Other Stuff

Guess who did not show up for their court appearance this week?

Our own Shawne Williams, young Pacer prospect, evidently did not think it was necessary. So, if the Pacers won't cut him, I think they should change his job to something that better fits his skills. He could become Boomer and Bowser's new mascot buddy. We should call him Bozo, the world's tallest and most overpaid mascot.

Bozo's main job would be to stand in the free throw lane as Boomer catapults himself over Bozo and dunks the ball. That's the way he plays defense when he has a Pacer uniform on. If he doesn't show up, we could just put one of those photo cardboard cut-outs in front of the basket. No one would even notice the difference from the real Shawne.

On a side note, IU recruit Bud Mackey, was arrested Friday for dealing cocaine in Lexington, KY. Cut him! And that is is all I have to say about that.

Commuting in Indy - Why It's Not for Me

When I was a squirt we were a one-car family. That was not unusual in the '50's. I was one of six children and by the '70's our family owned over eight cars, each with a gas-guzzling V-8 engines. Hey, gas was only about 35 cents per gallon. We were told that there was an endless supply of oil.

We all got married and collectively bought six more cars for our spouses, except for my brother Joe. His car was provided to him, but I'll save that story for my "Youngest Sibling Blog". Then, we all moved far away from the city where land was cheap and the houses were big. Life was grand. The six siblings had 19 children and I haven't counted cars lately, but you can see where I'm headed. In a wealthy country with over 300 million people there is not enough fuel and land for the process to continue.

I think it is time to re-think the American Dream.

I've lived the dream. My family of five owned a five bedroom house, five cars, and one enormous custom van. I had the means to pay for it all, but I did not leave much room for error. However, the twenty-somethings today have even less room for error. Our society can no longer expect to have more than the generation before them. But, they can still have a wonderful lifestyle. It will just take a little common sense to make it happen.

Make a list of the things you require and pick a spot somewhere in the middle to call home. My wife and I moved downtown from the burbs to be closer to work, entertainment, restaurants, and virtually everything else that used to require a car. We love it. Each of us has eliminated 15,000 miles of rush hour traffic a year. At 48 cents per mile we have saved over $10,000 per year in commuting cost and untold hours in traffic. We are now planning on being a one-car household again. We live in 40% of the space we used to own. Almost everything costs less now except for one thing-my property taxes.

If everyone exercises their right to vote in the next election, I think we can fix that, too.

Belichick Honesty Test

Raise your hand if you've ever:

1) Sat next to a smart person during a test for which you were not prepared and did a little scoping
2)Driven over the speed limit
3)Used a fake ID to gain access to a bar before you were 21
4)Crossed the street in the middle of the block
5)Never committed a foul when playing Matt Rittenhouse in basketball
6)Called in sick when you just did not want to go to work
7)Told a friend you'd pay 'em back and never did
8)Said how sorry you were for embarrassing your entire organization and promise to never do it again(until you play the Colts)
9)Faked an orgasm (girls only-guys can't fake it)
10)Did not pay a parking ticket

Let's see how you scored.

0-4 What year did you become an Eagle Scout?
5-7 Which fraternity were you in?
8-9 Has anyone ever invited you to attend church?
10 (perfect score) Nice to meet you Bill.

More on the Bill Belichick scandal...

Pathetic Pacer Behavior

Can you believe it? Another Pacer has been arrested. The reason he was pulled over sounded a bit lame, but when the officer smelled marijuana, she gave he and his buddies the full treatment. Pardon me for being behind on my illegal drug terms, but the officer found a "blunt" in the ashtray. Upon further inspection she found a stolen gun in the back seat that belonged to one of his buddies.

What in heaven's name was he thinking? He was out in a bad neighborhood in the middle of the night with an illegal substance and a stolen gun in his vehicle. Nothing!

Cut him now! Do not suspend him. Cut him! He's too stupid to be a millionaire.

If the Pacers keep him, they deserve to play in their rent-free arena with nobody present. Why would you pay up to $400 to watch a bunch of spoiled thugs?

Besides, we'll need Conseco to store all of the surplus corn when the grain elevators fill up in October. At least the city would make some money doing that.

The Amazing Peyton

I was in attendance at the Colts game last night. Unbelievable. I have seen a number of extremely talented people in my days. And I am not just talking about athletes. I'm including everyone regardless of their profession. Peyton Manning made plays that not only required physical skills, he was totally prepared for whatever the Saints could throw at him. They were sitting ducks.

Turkeys have had better chances on Thanksgiving Day.

It is such a pleasure to be a witness of such greatness. Here's a little bit on Peyton's "Tunnel Vision:"

2007 IU Football Forecast

Normally, I share my predictions of IU football with my sons and a couple of weak-kneed brother-in-laws who hop on the bandwagon of any team that has five wins by mid-season.

Anyway, here goes.

No need to pick the Indiana State game. It was a yawner. 55-7

Western Michigan should be a tougher game on the road, but IU will prevail by 10.

Akron at home on Sept. 15th should be another snoozer. Is Jerry Faust still the coach? IU by 20 points over the Zips.

Now, we slide into the Big $1.10 schedule. Look for a scoring fest in Iowa. There will be over a thousand yards of total offense in the game as the Hoosiers win 38-35. The Hoosiers will play inspired because they will mistake the Hawkeyes for the Boilermakers. How many teams in the country have ugly uniforms anyway?

Illinois has even uglier uniforms, but the Illini are getting better. In spite of the improvement, IU wins at home by three after missing two chip shots inside the 15 yard line. Hey, It's a W!

Bet the house on the Minnesota game October 6th. The Gophers suck at Indiana. The last time I remember Minnesota winning at Indiana, Tony Dungy was the QB. However, if Tony gives a pep talk to the Gophers before the game, the Hoosiers lose big.

Now, the Hoosiers go on the road to MSU. Normally, the Hoosiers wouldn't have a chance, but one of my weak-kneed brother-in-laws will be at the game wearing red while secretly cheering for the Spartans. His favorite team always loses, so the Hoosiers win as the crowd boos my brother-in-law.

Wait a minute. Are the Hoosiers 7-0 ? Not for long. I'll be in a nursing home and Joe Pa will still be coaching before the Big Red wins in Happy Valley. They'd better take the bus home. The DC-3 is leaking oil.

Now the Hoosiers travel up to Madison to take on the Badgers. We get murdered. I just hope we can put a respectable team on the field next week against Ball State.

Here is where it really gets ugly. Coach Lynch couldn't win at Ball State and he will not have enough of a team left to win in Bloomington on November 3rd. Decimated by injuries, the Hoosiers will lose 7-6 on a miserable day after missing their 10th extra point of the season.

How can you lose to a team with purple uniforms worn by future millionaires? IU sneaks by Northwestern after the Mildcats miss a school record of 5 field goals. Their kicker must be related to IU's kicker. They hug at the 50 yard line after the game.

Well, the Hurryin' Hoosiers are 8-3 and three bowl committees are in the press box. Can the Big Red win, go to a bowl in Florida, and play on December 31st. I don't think so. By now, we are so riddled with injuries, one of the DZ's is our starting left tackle and Don Fisher is so sick, he leaves the press box for the first time in 35 years to chunk out the back window. I hope there aren't any kids on the anti-aircraft guns.

So, the Hoosiers finish 8-4. We play Missouri in the Independence Bowl the day after Christmas. Bill Lynch gets a new contract and we finish fifth in the Big $1.10.

It's been a pretty good year.

Here's a video recap of the training camp last Spring. Let me know how you think the season will turn out.

Steve Fossett

It is unfortunate that millionaire Steve Fossett is missing. On the other hand, I do not understand all of the media coverage of his disappearance. He did not discover a cure for cancer or the origin of the universe. In fact, I think he was merely a rich person who loved having the attention of anyone who had little else to do.

That's all I have to say.

Big $1.10 Network

I wonder if we will ever see IU Hoosier football on television again. There is a standoff between the Big Ten Network and everyone's favorite cable provider. Fox has contracted with the Big Ten to broadcast all of the "leftover" games and non-revenue sports that the national networks do not want.

The price? A buck-ten a month. The cable systems do not want to absorb it and the Big Ten does not want them to pass it on to the cable customers. Each school will receive $7.5 million a year from the deal, so they are not talking. Cable wants everyone to pressure the Big Ten to back off the price and the Network thinks we should do the opposite and squeeze the cable companies to pay up. Or, you can buy Direct TV which is owned by Fox and led by the evil Rupert Murdoch.

Personally, I am going to buy a ticket to the games I can attend. The Hoosiers are improved and there aren't many things better than spending a fall afternoon in Bloomington. If I can't be there, I'll listen to Don Fisher for free on the web. Unless, XM Radio buys the radio rights. Rupert controls that, too.